It stays at the back of my mind always, this hurt. This pain in my chest. This hollow pain. It feels like as if a sword penetrated my chest and my heart got sliced. This pain is a kind of pain that I cannot find a way to describe. It is a pain that increases in intensity with each breath I take. It is not physical pain, but rather than an emotional pain that I can't seem to brush off.
Lately life feels dark and gloomy. No matter how much I try to convince myself of otherwise, it always feel dark and gloomy again. I used to be able to see the light in almost everything, but somehow, just somehow, lately, I am unable to feel any warmth and see any light in anything. It's like living in a game of charade, and I am constantly having to pretend to be something that I am not. It feels as though I am sucked into a black hole and there is no way out.
I am in a maze and I cannot find the way out. I turn right, I turn left, but still no way out. Still no way out. So, where am I? I am here, beneath this rubble. It feels like a huge building is atop me and I can't escape. The load feels heavy. I feel trapped. Trapped, and alone. Cold and unhappy. I can no longer cry out for help. Even if I could muster enough strength to cry out for help, my voice wouldn't be able to penetrate through the rubble.
I am a living wreck at the moment. I feel so in pain, and right now, I have these terrible thoughts. I don't feel like getting out of bed. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like interacting with anyone. I don't feel like studying. I don't feel like being here. I just want to be in bed. I just want to stay in the dark. I just want to cry and not stop crying. I just want this hurt to stop. I just want to get away from here. I just want a break from this pain. My heart beats in pain every day. I want to be away from here. To get my mind straighten out. For you see, I am completely out of my mind right now.
This must stop. I must stop. Goodbye.
